Kilter Annie's…

thoughts, musings and the like


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On Black, White, and the space in between…

Nine months later and here I am.  So much has happened that I wouldn’t even know where to start.  And I don’t know if it impacts anyone else if speak on this forum or not.  I do know that I “should” be cleaning my kitchen, and I “should” be reading.  I begin my second semester of nursing school in a few days and I’m already behind on reading assignments!  I also know that I have a birth mom and paternal birth aunt who are very excited and supportive of my nursing education.  It goes without saying that my mom and dad are proud of me, of course.  I’m so blessed to have parents who have been consistently loving and supportive of me throughout my life.

But, why am I here…now?  I read an article today that tried to say that an adoptive parent couldn’t love their adopted child equally or the same as a biological child.  While the author included quotes from an adoptive parent or two who stated that this was clearly not the case, the article had other leanings.  And I thought, “What a terrible disservice.  To speak in absolutes.”

Honestly, why do people feel the need to house things within the realms of all or nothing, black or white, yes or no?  Is it REALLY so difficult to accept the grey areas?  As I read the comments from fellow adoptees, whose sentiments were a resounding, “No, I’m living proof that this isn’t possible.”, I understood how they could say such things.  It’s terrible that they grew up feeling unloved, different, but for individuals who were supposedly trained and educated in psycho-social sciences to say such a thing?  For shame.  How can one NOT take into account the diverse nature of each situation?  Everyone’s experiences are so varied; there’s no such thing as a “cookie cutter” adoptive situation.  We, as humans, are the sums of our natures as well as our nurturing.  We all have backstories, experiences that have shaped who we are and what we’ve become.  These very experiences and the ways in which we’ve handled or overcome them speak to our ability to love and the ways in which we are able to display that love.

And what about perception?  Again, how we perceive things speaks volumes for any differences we may or may not feel about our situations.  While I appreciate the guts it took for those people who spoke honestly about their feelings, I’m disappointed by the notion that they, somehow, are the ones who can speak for all others.  As if THEY are the scholars on this subject?

So, why am I back here on this page, after nine months of being away?  Because these are the kinds of thoughts that roll around in my head as I’m doing dishes, or any of the other mundane chores I do on a daily basis…but this time, I took the time to stop.  Too often, I tell myself that I’ll come back to it later, but that moment is always lost.  This thing, this article, it just makes me too angry.  Too disappointed.  Too sad.

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