Kilter Annie's…

thoughts, musings and the like

On life, loss and new beginnings


When it comes to me, what you see is what you get. There are no great mysteries, save those bestowed upon me due to my adoption. I’m a hippie. I like herbology and holistic health, and I’m a big fan of simplicity.

I say this because our our eldest (DL), one of my step-daughters, is getting married in November. Yay! Wahoo! Congrats! This is exciting…and I’m TOTALLY clueless. You see, her mom left this plane twelve years ago, making me the “Mother of the Bride”. This honor comes with great responsibility, like putting on the bridal shower. She started talking about color and lunch themes and totally left me in the dust. Say, WHAT?! You mean, I can’t just make it a potluck and call it a day? Apparently not. To counter my casual style, DL is Little Miss Put-Together, OCD organized, Coach handbag- girl. Her dad and I had a promise ceremony on a beach in Mexico. I am so out of my element in this endeavor.

Here’s where you come in. The bridal shower is planned for September, which just so happens to be DL’s birth month. I need ideas to help me fuse her organized style and my casual hippie style, because I’ve been the main mother figure in her life since she was eight (more on the reason for that at another time), while recognizing her birth and growth and honoring her mother.

I’ve been trying to come up with ideas of how to subtly infuse and honor DL’s mom at the shower, and for the wedding, but I don’t have much to go on. The Colonel (my man’s had this nickname for quite some time) doesn’t know his ex’s favorite flower and we don’t have any of her jewelry to pass down that DL doesn’t already have. Sadly, that is the extent of my creativity in this regard. I want it to be more than just a photo of her mom somewhere in the room. I don’t want to upset her with the blatant visual reminder that her mother isn’t there.

Please help me celebrate the union of DL and her fiancé MW, in a way that bring presence to her mom. I know it hurts her tremendously to not be doing this with her mother.


3 thoughts on “On life, loss and new beginnings

  1. My daughter got married in 2011 and I, too, was put in the position of being something totally out of character – mother of the bride. First, I am not a fan of the “institution” of marriage feeling that a personal commitment between two souls does not need to involve the government or a preacher. Then, the expense of the modern wedding seems obscene, particularly since over-consumption is among the major issues facing our environment and society in general. Can’t tell you how many times I just said to the kids. “Elope, elope, elope. I’ll throw you a big party in the backyard when you get back.”

    However, a mother’s love is all enduring and I was able to play the part my daughter envisioned for me in my own way. For the shower, all the food was homemade using as many local ingredients as possible. The shower favors and “prizes” were also homemade either by me, my daughter, or a local craftspeople. We held the shower in a private home (the mother of Amie’s maid-of-honor generously opened her home to us as my house is just too small).

    It was a lovely day and ended up being the catalyst I needed to fully embrace my daughter’s wedding plans, which, by the way, did reflect in many ways my own particular standards. Guess some of what we do teach the kids over the years does get through! 🙂

    Best wishes!

    • Thanks for the encouragement, Oakmoss. I am thankful that she’s a crafter, so she’ll appreciate a handmade fiesta…I’ll just try to upscale it a little. I am impressed, as she and her fiancé have designed and crafted the majority of their wedding items. Their invitations are stunning. It helps to be marrying a graphic designer! The Colonel informs me that my encouragement of our kids’ artistic side is one of the things he’s been thankful for over the years, so I guess there is definitely a little piece of me there somewhere.

      We’ve told them to elope as well but, given her set of life circumstances, I understand her want of the fairy tale. She deserves it. I just want to give her a little unexpected surprise of that special “something”.

      All the best to you. I feel like you and I could hang pretty solid. ✊

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